poem.

It was a beautiful day.
Bright blue sky, warm sun.
She pulled up to the stop light and saw him.
She smiles and waves, he waves back.
And as she turns and drives away, her heart hurts just a little.

good stuff.

The ex of the guy I'm dating leaving nasty comments on facebook? Annoying.

Her inappropriate emails? Worrying.

Showing up at my office not once, but twice? Pure crazy.

But, defaming my name in a bathroom stall of a local bar for all to see? Priceless.

My grandfather's eulogy.

When I was trying to think of the right way to talk about my grandfather, at first I wasn't sure how much I was going to be able to say. He had already retired from the graphic artist's union when I was born, his children were grown and living lives of their own. He'd accomplished many of the things that had made him the man he was to his family and his friends. But it occurred to me that not matter how you knew Vincent- as a grandfather, or as a brother, as an uncle, or a colleague- that there would always be many ways to speak of him. Each of us here today own memories of him; when you hear his name, each of us sees a different picture of him in our heads. So I thought I would just talk for a little bit about what he meant to me, talk about my picture of him.

I think the first word that I would use to describe him is "upright." He always seemed very tall to me, and I think that was because he was the kind of man who had a kind of correctness to him- he had authority that made him stand up a little straighter than the rest of us. He expected a lot out of the people around him, and they said okay, because you could look at him and understand that you couldn't tell him no. It's a feeling you get even when you look at the pictures of him taken when he was working as a lithographer, in the way that he talked to other men and the way they listened to him. You can see it in the pictures he took with his children, standing quietly next to them, looking stern and proud at the same time. You can even see it in the photos of him on the golf course, looking down thefairway- you can picture him talking to his ball. "All right, that's enough fooling around. On the green, let's go."

But even with that weight that he carried, with that authority, there's another picture of my grandfather that I think of often, and that's him laughing. He loved to spend time with his friends and his family, to hold court and tell jokes. I remember a story my mother told me about a time when I was very young- my other grandfather dropped me off at their house, and there was Nonno at the front door, down on his hands and knees, barking like a dog at me as I walked up to him. My grandfather Sweeney called my mother and said "You know, Dominic's father, I don't know about that guy..."

Of course, a lot of that mix, the hard work that he did and his affection for the people who were important to him, comes from the era in which he was raised. In many ways my grandfather symbolized the American dream of the twentieth century. He came to this country as a child, learned English on the fly, graduated from high school, attended college, and built a career that could support his family. He was an ardent supporter of the American Labor movement, organizing print shops all across California, including the first Chinese-American print shop to be incorporated into the graphic artist's union. He lived through the Great Depression, World War II, and seventeen different presidents. He married my grandmother in 1941, and was a devoted husband and father for the rest of his life. He made sure his children were educated and that they understood the importance of education, and he made investments that could provide for them well into the future. The sacrifices he made for his family have made my life easier and given me opportunities in more ways than I can count.

But again, I have to come back to the man that I knew, the man who stood up straight as a ninety-year-old, the man who grew plums and apricots and pears in his garden, the man who first put a golf club in my hands, the man who looked up at me from the bottom of the hill in his backyard, the man who spoke at my wedding at ninety-three years old, the man who could tell me with a look, "I have done these things for you, I have given these things to you, but I ask you to earn them, I ask you to give them to your children as I have." Nonno, I have not earned them yet, but I will work for them. Nonno, our families are happy and healthy because of you. Nonno, I promise I will come down from the hill. Goodbye Nonno, I love you.

2009.

Can't believe it's already 2009. Not in terms of the years passing over time, but just because 2008 flew by so fast. If I remember correctly, it didn't start out so well, but then I had the trip to Europe to look forward to, a new crush, an inspiring election and then design work. All in all not bad. Definitely some sad times and some down points, such as my birthday and New Year's Eve (wars have been fought over less!), but I can't complain. Only I do. Bitterly. To anyone who will listen.

*ahem*

In any case, it's already March of 2009 now. This year, I tell you, is going by faster than the last; but, I'm excited about what it will bring.

Happy New Year interwebs!

fresh start.

From here on out, it's smooth sailing. From here on out, I'm pursuing happiness. From here on out, it gets better.

The economy is horrible, and I'm bored with my day job, but I have something new- something to make staying at the day job worthwhile. I have: freelance design work. I currently have work within my chosen profession. I have work that I enjoy doing, that I can feel satisfied about. And that, that makes all the difference in the world. Even one small part of my day or week being dedicated to something that I like (in terms of a career and a supporting myself) means so much.

Along with this new work came a semi-epiphany. Most young people I know whom I consider successful don't work 9 to 5 jobs. They work 9 to 5 jobs and then some. This doesn't necessarily mean overtime at work- it can also mean side jobs, whether it be in the same field or another one. It means being a teacher and tutoring on the side. It means being an editor and writing screenplays in your downtime. It means being an art director and photographing weddings on the weekend.

So.

So what if right now I can't find a job in my industry? I have a steady day job that I am happy to have in these uncertain times. But, I also have independent work. Work that I want, work that I appreciate, work that makes my life a little easier, work that eases my stress a little, though it makes me busier. And that? That's pretty sweet.

interruption.

Please excuse this brief interruption from normal Europe trip programming for a poem. Some unfortunate events have occurred recently in my life, and by "unfortunate events", I mean a couple of people have passed away, one in extremely awful circumstances. This makes four people that have died this year, whom I cared for, or whose family I care for, or know well. Death is never pleasant, but four in five months is starting to be a bit wearing. So in the name and honor of those who have fallen, I post this poem, a favorite of mine:

FUNERAL BLUES

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight,my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

-W.H. Auden

R.I.P. Kristin Stock, Nick Cooley, Troy Lancaster and Mr. Sammy

europe.

This last month and a half has been crazy. Crazy busy. I am so ready for a vacation, which is good, because on Monday I leave for Europe for 3 weeks. That's right. Three weeks. Visiting old friends (Copenhagen), and new friends (Micha!), and just generally hanging out = bliss. Plus, let's not forget the amazing food, wine and beer that I will be soaking up like a sponge. Good times, people, good times.

3 more.

I am perpetually running a few minutes behind schedule, so I set my clocks fast. Unfortunately, this cannot be done to my cell phone- reason #5 why I dislike them.

I am notorious for picking up where I left off in a discussion or a story an hour or more later. I only hope it's an endearing aspect.

Pasta is my soul food.It is impossible for me to take short showers. Just impossible.

about me.

People told me that my 25th year was going to be a big year in my life, but I think it's going to be my 26th. I'm generally a happy person. I like to watch and look, whether it be at people, places or things. I don't have cable because if I did, I wouldn't get anything done. I love to travel and want to see the world. My head is a constant jukebox, which sometimes is awesome, and sometimes sucks. I'm really good at organizing and I think someday I might make a good manager, but I have a few creative bones in my body, as well. I'm loyal to a fault, which bothers some people. I am shy and quiet, which some people take as being aloof. I always walk behind people, and I have no idea why. I am soooo not a critic. I have a great memory, but I forget little stuff like the name of that song, or book, or bottle of wine that I really loved. I am generally confident, but sometimes I'll get insecure and complain (even though I have no right to, because I'm a lucky girl). I'm frugal enough to be able to afford a bit of luxury. I'm a night owl and hate getting up early. Plus, I love sleeping. And animals. And nature. And wine. And chips and salsa and boys with foreign accents and learning and dancing and laughing and and and and... so much more.

Ex(es).

This past Saturday was Picnic Day at UCDavis. It's basically an open house for the students thinking of attending in the fall, and a party day for alumni and current students. I've gone almost every year. Part (dare I say, most) of the fun of Picnic Day is catching up with friends that you haven't seen in a while. Usually, I've contacted my good friends beforehand, to see who's going to be in the area, but occasionally you run across someone that you used to know and haven't seen in a long time. Sometimes, it's a happy occurrence, but other times.....

I was standing in line for mouthwatering Woodstocks pizza on Saturday evening. I was just chatting, enjoying the beautiful weather and looking across the street when a small group of people stop in front of me. My first thought is: that guy looks familiar. Then: no. It can't be. Jesse? My mouth falls open just a little bit.

Jesse is an ex. I haven't seen him in 4 years or so, and even that was a brief encounter. We had an amicable split, so there are no hard feelings, but it was still a shock to see him standing in front of me after all these years. Unfortunately, because of said shock, I was only able to softly blurt out his name, and so he walked away without hearing (or seeing) me. Still, my mind reeled back over the years. It would've been nice to say hi and see what he's doing.

Cut to an hour and a half later or so, and I'm eating pizza, having a great time with my friends. I look up towards the door and think: that guy looks familiar. Then: oh my god. It's Joey. Again, my mouth falls open, only this time my eyebrows scrunch together because...

Joey is an ex. My friends catch my expression and ask what's up. I feebly mumble: Ex number 2. Joey, I haven't seen in about 3 years. And again, it was an amicable split, but good grief Charlie Brown! 2 long-lost exes within 2 hours of each other? Is the universe trying to give me a heart attack?? Because I'm so freaked out, my body starts an adrenaline surge. Apparently, it was fight or flight time, though I felt rooted to my chair. And my beer. Unfortunately, (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) the line for pizza was long, so I had time to covertly glance at him, while drinking my beer and trying to calm down. He looked well. He actually looked better than he did when we were seeing each other. I figured, why not say hi?

So I walk over, and tap him on the shoulder. He looks over and is surprised, but looks happy to see me. Asks if I'm still at the same job (I'm surprised that he remembers it), and living in the area. I reply that no, I'm living in the bay area, then ask him what he's up to. He replies that he's living in the city and doing well. Then he asks for my number and says we should catch up. I say sure, and we part ways.

I get back to the table and my friends are dying to hear what he said. I say, "He asked for my number". Then I say, "2 exes in the same day- I don't think I can take any more." My friend M replies, "Don't think of it as seeing 2 exes- think of it as having 2 guys ask for your number in a week."

I like that better.

a weird interlude.

I was at a bar on Friday night, with a friend and some guys that she knows, near the end of a very fun night. One of the guys I know, and it was nice to see him since he had been MIA for a while. He was being nice and generous and funny, and it was great to hang out with him. All of a sudden he asks if I'm still running. I, surprised, reply that I stopped almost completely during the winter, but now that it's warmer, I'll start again. He says it's good that I'm running, that it's healthy. Then he says I look good, and though I am, again, surprised, I thank him for the compliment. Then he says, "Sure, I mean, don't you think we'd have good looking kids?"

WTF??

Let me add that I don't know this guy well. We're acquaintances, not really friends. And there has never been any hint of romance between us. In fact, before this night, I didn't think he liked me much at all. In any case, I am astonished, to say the least. I reply, "I don't know," with my eyes wide, shoulders lifted and hands spread out in the classic pose of What Are You Talking About And Where In The Hell Did That Come From? He starts rambling:

"No, I mean, I'm just saying that you're running, you're healthy, you look good and we have nice features and our kids would be good looking."

I, still very shocked, nervous, and embarrassed, cough out a laugh and say, "I don't know! Seriously?? I don't even want kids!" At this he says, "Really?" and then starts rambling again. I zone out because it is so weird, and soon he sneaks out without saying goodbye to anybody.

Seriously.

an observation.

Late one night, a number of weeks ago, I was over at an acquaintance's house with our mutual friend, and her boyfriend. It was early in the morning, we were tired and some a bit inebriated, and the day's activities hadn't gone so smoothly. Over a simple question, the couple starts getting into a farce of a fight. I don't mean to belittle the cause of any fight, but the topic of this one was fairly ridiculous. Since the couple had gotten into a fight earlier that day, some of the anger was probably lingering, which I'm sure contributed to the swift battle cry of this one.

The fight of course made the acquaintance and I a bit uncomfortable and we tried to make peace, to no avail. The fight continued. Since it seemed that there was nothing else I could do, I moved to the other side of the room and sat down, half looking out the window at the beautiful, serene night, and half looking across the room at the disruptive, ugly scene.

Then the girl shouts,"I love you _____!" Over his words, she repeats over and over again:
"I love you _____!"
"I love you _____!"
"I love you _____!"
"I love you _____!" Until I can't listen anymore.

And then I think- the lady doth protest too much.

mo is...

I belong to a couple of social networking sites. I don't do much "social networking" on them, but I do appreciate them for allowing me to keep in better touch with friends that live far away. I'm not very good at calling people and thinking of things to say about myself.

"What's new with you?"
"Ummm, nothing really. Same old thing?"

So, when I think of something funny, or there is a story or anecdote to share, I can text or hop on one of the sites and share it immediately, before I forget it. It may not work for everybody, but it works for me.

Anyhow, these social networking sites have a window at the top that allows you to write exactly what you're doing or feeling at the moment. Something like, "[screen name] is thinking about how much the rain sucks," or "[screen name] currently wants to take a nap." It's very twitter-ish. So, in honor of these funny anecdotes, I am writing this post in tagline style.

Mo has more and more to do and less and less time.

Mo is currently stressed about the quiz she has tonight that she is not prepared for.

Mo is currently studying at work for said test.

Mo is very sorry she missed the Louis XIV/Hot Hot Heat/Editors show last Friday.

Mo has no "romantic" plans for Valentine's Day, and she is okay with it.

Mo is going to be very happy when said quiz, the week, the HSUS petition drive, February, and the class are done.

Mo has finished season 3 of the Gilmore Girls.

The end. : )

apologies.



I'm sorry dear, gentle reader(s) (all three of you). I've been neglecting you like the cobweb in the far, upper corner of my bathroom. I've been busy, and watching far too much tv lately. Stupid, stupid tv. Not that there's anything wrong with media and entertainment, but there are only so many hours in the day, and there are so many wonderful things to do. And there are necessary things to do. I've been neglecting those a bit, as well. Unfortunately. Anyhoo, I apologize. Truly, Madly, Deeply. So here's what I've been up to!



*I started volunteering for the Humane Society for a very worthy cause. The HSUS is trying to put an initiative on the ballot in 2008 to give farmed animals (for meat) enough room in their cages to turn around and spread their wings or stretch their limbs. Specifically, the legislation covers hens, breeding sows and calves. See? It's a good cause. Legislation like this (banning breeding sow crates) has already passed in 3 other states (Arizona, Florida and Oregon) and the European Union, and Arizona has also banned veal crates. If you like animals, or believe in treating any creature humanely, or care about your food, you should support this measure. It is for the good of our health, animals, small farmers and the environment. Unless you are absolutely against the initiative/ballot process, there is no reason why you should not find your nearest Humane California volunteer immediately and sign their petition! We need 650,000 signatures by the middle of February 2008. (This does only apply to registered voters in the state of California, though). For more information (and some horrific pictures and the truth, click here).



Next, I have to say HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! A truly American holiday, and one that my family loves to celebrate. Well, we love to celebrate anything that allows us to get together to eat, drink and be merry. Who doesn't? I'll share a recipe that I made for this recent holiday soon. In any case, it was a great weekend. Two paid days off- who wouldn't like that?? I spent some time with my brother and sister-in-law who I love dearly. They don't live that far away (southern California), but (selfishly) it's not close enough for me. Although I sometimes get annoyed at (read: jealous of) their relationship, I would love it if they lived in the bay area and I could see them every week.



I also went to a baby shower for perhaps the cutest pregnant couple I have ever seen. I can't wait to see the baby when it arrives in this world. Mark my words, it is going to be one cute baby! And speaking of "babes" (it's a poor segueway) I saw not one, but two exes this weekend. One was unplanned and didn't go so well. It's a recent split and it wasn't a particularly nice one. There is still attraction there and I am still torn between calling him (the weak thing to do, since I said I wouldn't do it any more) and being strong, and calling him the asshole that he is. Luckily I was strong this time. Asshole. Grrr.



The other ex was planned and went very well. The relationship was a long time ago, after all, and there's nothing in the way of our being friends. So we met for drinks, talked, hung out. I was nervous about it, but (thankfully) I didn't drink too much and start babbling like an idiot. I tend to do that. It's an issue.



Moving on, I have two very exciting things to share. First: I'm curing olives! Weee! I saw them at the SF Ferry Plaza Farmer's Market at the Knoll farm stall and had to get them. It's a challenge and an adventure and we'll see how it goes. I googled recipes and decided on the one from Hedonia since I didn't want to use lye. Right now I'm about to switch from water to brine. I'm very excited to see how it turns out!



Second: I bought a plane ticket to Europe! That's right, I'm leavin' on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again. Only, I do know when I'll be coming back. A month after I leave. A whole month of traveling in Europe! Weee! My dear parents decided they wanted to rent a house in the Provence region of France, and they invited their offspring to join them for a week. Since I had an excuse, I decided to splurge a little. I'll talk about this later, but suffice to say, I am definitely looking forward to next June. I can't wait!!



*sigh* That's it. So what have you been up to? : D

Perspective.



For some reason, Halloween this year made me reflective. It made me think about where and how I was last year, as opposed to now.



Last year, I was so hopeful. I was hopeful about a boy, about some new friendships, about my job, my new apartment and about the life I had started to carve out here, in the bay area. I wasn’t making much money, and my relationship with my family wasn’t so great, but I was having fun. I was excited. I was thinking that my move back home was a good thing, the right thing to have done.



Life was a little simpler, then. Everything was new, and I didn’t have many expectations. I was simply enjoying the flow of the river and waiting to see where it would take me. Of course, sometimes that same river required a delicate touch and a good map. Small town rules, politics and social spheres can be difficult to navigate, and easy to entangle and entrap a person.



Where the river has taken me was certainly unexpected. Life is more difficult, more complicated, in that I have to choose what I hold on to, and what I let go. What is worth it? Who is worth it? I hate that I have to make that decision. I hate that the water is murky and muddied, when once it was clear.


Some of the hopes that I had last year fizzled away, and some were crushed. There are new questions, and some old questions that were never answered. There have been beautiful, lazy days of cruising in the placid waters, and there have been some rough rapids. The river is an interesting ride, to say the least.

summary.



Here's a quick summary, since I've been M.I.A. for a few days:



First, apparently it's not just Gemini and Cancer boys. It's also boys named Andrew. I think this is some cruel trick the universe is playing on me.



My friend Nicole called. Yay! This might not seem like such a big thing, but she lives in the eastern time zone and since I'm so bad with them (time zones), we haven't talked in months and months.



I took a half day from work 2 weeks ago, *ahem, cough* when the weather was so beautiful and went to the beach in San Francisco with a friend. I know what you're thinking: why did you go to the beach in San Francisco? It's never warm there. Ahh, but my friends, it was. It was warm and clear and the ocean was cold and salty and it was gorgeous. We stayed for sunset and then went out for Ethiopian food. Icing on the cake.



Later that week, I caught the last A's game of the season. I love going to baseball games. I love day games in the sun and night games with the lights. Out of the the NFL, NBA and MLB, I will always choose MLB. It was a nice day, and they won, which is always a plus.



Also, a quick note on food. I showed previously that I do most of my shopping at the farmer's market. I think it's about 75-80% of the food I purchase. This is easy to do in the summer, when there is a bounty of fresh produce. It is also easy to cook it. Or perhaps I should say, not cook with it. The produce of the summer doesn't need much work to create a great meal. Sure, you could turn on the oven and roast or make something complicated out of it, but you don't need to. So, many of my summer meals are salads and simple vegetable dishes, with fruit for dessert. It might sound boring, but it is not. In fact, besides being easy to cook or assemble, it is quite delicious and plenty varied. Now fall and winter might be a different story, but during the summer, this is the life.



Things to come? A book review, and two restaurant reviews (like the second half of that Rubicon one that I should have done 3 months ago). Oops.

fall.





It's October. Wow. When did that happen? I feel like this last year (plus a month or two) has sped by like a bullet train. There have been the best of times (weddings) and the worst of times (hospitalized family members). Many questions and decisions, and not quite as many answers. This, combined with the dying of the light and heat, make me want to savor as many moments as possible, take time with my projects and actions (unless they’re undesirable), and really appreciate how things are in these moments. This sounds like an end-of-the-year post, but it feels appropriate now. It is the end of summer and the beginning of fall, after all.



I think I have said before that I love summer. I love the heat and the long days and the light. It is, unequivocally my favorite season. But, there is something heartbreakingly beautiful about fall.



Just the other day, there was an almost perfect fall day (in my opinion). It was a cold night, with a frosty morning- the kind that makes you want to snuggle under your covers with a hot mug of hot chocolate or tea. Eventually, it warmed up, but the temperature was still cool and crisp to the skin. The air was sharp in its clarity, and the sky was such an uninterrupted bright blue that it almost hurt your eyes. The leaves had started changing colors and falling off the trees, crunching underfoot, while the flowers were showing off their colorful blooms, in a last gasp for attention.



It was beautiful.



Soon, the rain will come, and more cold. I don’t specifically dislike the rain and the cold- I especially appreciate rain for what it does, and enjoy the occasional song and dance through it. I like bundling up in sweaters, scarves, and gloves and going for walks in the cold. I also enjoy staying inside, under blankets, or by the fire (a.k.a. my space heater) with a hot toddy, or two.



I only wish there was some snow to go with the cold and rain, but on this island, it’s about as rare as being able to see the Northern Lights. I’m not a big winter sports girl, but I love that soft blanket of white. And let’s not forget the snowflakes falling from the sky! Last winter I took a trip to Chicago, and the sight of the snow falling through the light of the street lamps at night took my breath away. All that individual beauty practically lost in the big picture. Snowflakes are the apple trees of the weather world.



Fall is all about change and opposition. It’s sharp and soft. It has bold colors that fade quickly. It is bright and it is dull, and it can be oh so wonderful. Enjoy it while it lasts!

pesto and boys.



like peas in a pod, right? right? or not. let's get the boys party out of the way: I need to stop falling for smart Geminis and Cancers. I realized a few days ago that as far as I can recall (at least to high school), I think all of the guys I have dated have been Geminis, or Cancers. And I'm a Cancer. They do not mix so well. I wasn't cultivating this at all. I never even realized it. Now I'm going to have to be all weird and ask guys what their birthday is first thing. "Hey, what's your sign? Come here often?"
(Jason and the) Arg (0nauts).





Now, on to the pesto. So many of the food bloggers have been posting about canning since it's the theme of this month's Eat Local Challenge. It sounds perfect to me- having your pantry stocked with your personal tomato sauce, pesto, etc. It may not be less expensive, but at least you would know (and be able to control) exactly what is going into your food. That means quite a bit, to me. Plus, my dear Nonna always canned, and I would like to learn how. So, I took some of her old canning jars. Alas, when I got home, I realized they were all large. Too large. I would need a bigger pot to boil them in. Also, since I'm only cooking for one person (for the most part), storing many large jars of food in my pantry doesn't make that much sense. So I thought about freezing. And then I made pesto.

mmmmmm. Homemade pesto.* I used Mario Batali's recipe. From these pictures, I'm sure you can understand why I don't post many. While I think my photography skills are not that bad, I certainly don't know how to photograph food. And, my camera is very basic.




*after 2 hours with the mortar and pestle, I had a bruised, strained hand, so I switched to a food processor.

jobs.



This is a list of jobs I have done, have considered at some point in my life, or still consider, for some point in my life:



-interior architect at an international hospitality design firm, or clothing brand (like Diesel. yaaaaah.), preferably abroad

-interior architect at a small organic architecture firm, preferably in the city (yes "the city", people.)

-owner/ceo of a sustainable developing firm

-furniture maker

-event planner/set builder

-shop owner (selling furniture, furnishings and household goods- mainly environmentally friendly design stuff)

-a job working with the government on sustainable building codes and laws

-a job working with the government on city planning, transportation planning, etc.



-chef

-host (at a restaurant)

-hospitality manager

-bartender

-cheesemaker

-farmer (small-scale and all-natural of course)



-cage dancer (always in the cage, never out. no private dancer here)

-professional modern dancer (pipe dream)

-professional soccer player (pipe dream #2)

-zoologist, specifically researching Siberian tigers... in Siberia.

--ummmmmm. well? I dunno.

that's how I roll.



a.k.a. that's how I feed myself.











Fridge before the farmer's market.











Fridge after the farmer's market.